All Politicians Simultaneously Resign
As a freak burst of radiation from the sun hit the earth last Sunday, sociopaths around the world, many of them politicians, suddenly regained a sense of empathy as the anterior insular cortex area of their brain began working properly again.
On Monday morning, thousands of politicians around the world woke up to the horrifying realization that their entire lives have been dedicated to senselessly hurting people. In an emergency teleconference between world leaders, politicians from every country in the world decided to simultaneously resign from public office, as a sign of their deep regret.
Barack Obama spoke first:
“I never had a conscience, you know? I could say the most absurd lies while feeling nothing whatsoever. No guilt at all. Most people didn’t seem to be like that, so I thought I must be special. And when in the morning I signed kill orders to bomb innocent children in foreign countries, I felt nothing. But now… now…”
The rest of the audio recording broadcast over YouTube was filled with sobbing and indecipherable mumbling, as every political leader in the world took their turn to apologize for all the suffering they have inflicted. In a separate apology directed to the poor in America, the dictator exclaimed,
“Of course I never cared about the poor people! Do you think I would have argued for raising the minimum wage, at a time of record unemployment of the poorest and least skilled workers?! Do you think I would have imposed more and more regulations making employing new people costlier, or run up a record level of debt while using your unborn children as collateral?”
After this shocking revelation, the question remains: How will the people of the world react? Will they find a way to live without being slaves to political masters?