All Politicians Simultaneously Resign

As a freak burst of radiation from the sun hit the earth last Sunday, sociopaths around the world, many of them politicians, suddenly regained a sense of empathy as the anterior insular cortex area of their brain began working properly again.

On Monday morning, thousands of politicians around the world woke up to the horrifying realization that their entire lives have been dedicated to senselessly hurting people. In an emergency teleconference between world leaders, politicians from every country in the world decided to simultaneously resign from public office, as a sign of their deep regret.

Barack Obama spoke first:

“I never had a conscience, you know? I could say the most absurd lies while feeling nothing whatsoever. No guilt at all. Most people didn’t seem to be like that, so I thought I must be special. And when in the morning I signed kill orders to bomb innocent children in foreign countries, I felt nothing. But now… now…”

The rest of the audio recording broadcast over YouTube was filled with sobbing and indecipherable mumbling, as every political leader in the world took their turn to apologize for all the suffering they have inflicted. In a separate apology directed to the poor in America, the dictator exclaimed,

“Of course I never cared about the poor people! Do you think I would have argued for raising the minimum wage, at a time of record unemployment of the poorest and least skilled workers?! Do you think I would have imposed more and more regulations making employing new people costlier, or run up a record level of debt while using your unborn children as collateral?”

After this shocking revelation, the question remains: How will the people of the world react? Will they find a way to live without being slaves to political masters?

2 thoughts on “All Politicians Simultaneously Resign”

  1. “How will the people of the world react? Will they find a way to live without being slaves to political masters?”

    You can’t just stop now! That’s like the cliff-hanger at the end of a terrible cartoon from some time last century! Tell us! How do they survive? What happens?

    1. Haha 🙂 The scenario is so fantastical, I thought it was teasing enough to think the world rid of institutionalized evil quite so easily – I didn’t want to go too far into portraying a better society.

      Although to be honest, it’s not just the sociopaths in power who would have to have had a sudden revelation, but the people who vote for them or accept their rule, too. So long as people think that using coercive force to impose their opinions on others is a pre-requisite for civilization, I see the same cycle being repeated again and again.

      I am hopeful, though, that certain technologies may change that, and make the existence of a State too costly and not worth pursuing. Independent, encrypted currencies can divert revenue streams away from politicians’ greedy hands, and something called “assassination politics” (more here can make the business of organized murder and theft to be personally much more risky than it is today. As it stands, most politicians get to retire and enjoy a comfortable life, after having ruined countless thousands or even millions of lives. It’s no wonder so many people go into politics – there’s virtually no risk to what has basically become legalized crime.

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